Do you ever just want to pull a Zayn Malik and take a “stress break” from school, or life in general for like a week or two and then decide to just leave for good and never come back and be a normal 22 year old. Because my God, am I at that point in my life.
My second semester of college is almost over, 5 more weeks, and I could not be more ready for summer. So much has happened in the past 3 weeks alone that just makes me want to take a forever long break and do my own thing [with Abi]. I got to see Abi for a little bit before she headed back to Ohio and I was starting my spring break. That has been one of the only good things that has happened in the past month or two. Spring break came and went, and just like that I was back in classes, “listening” but really planning out my wedding, my kids’ future names, and what i’m going to say in my maid of honor speech at Abi’s wedding. Things really started to go downhill on March 25th, when Zayn Malik decided to leave One Direction. And of course Abi and I were devastated, ARE devastated. Who knew that someone who made us so happy all the time could change in an instant and cause us the most pain. We skyped that Wednesday for probably close to 3 hours, crying on and off, talking about what it was going to be like now, telling each other to stop crying, and trying to change the subject so neither of us would talk about it again. [fyi we still talk about it and its been almost 2 weeks, we aren’t that good at distracting each other obviously].
This wasn’t supposed to be a post about Zayn leaving, but that’s kind of what that paragraph turned into, so I am sorry. In reality, I just wanted to have a stress break like he claims he was on. Because college is stressing me out. Life is stressing me out. As second semester is coming closer to the end, I’m trying to schedule classes for next semester around a career that I’m not even sure about. I know I want to get a degree in criminal justice, but God only knows what I’m going to do with that once I graduate. I come up with a new job everyday that I think I would be interested in. And I really should just stop doing that, because it’s a big contributor to my stress, but I really can’t help it. I feel like every decision I make in college somehow affects what is going to happen after I graduate, and what job I’ll get and that’s stressful as hell and I just need a little break. I’m one of those people that doesn’t like to be unsure about things. I like to know exactly what I’m going to do. I like to plan out my next day the day before, and write down what I need to do. And I can’t do that with course selection and anything else regarding college. The uncertainty of my future right now is killing me, and stressing me out, and overwhelming me so much I can’t even do anything but cry most of the time. But hopefully I’ll figure something out soon, and my future will start to come together as I want it. Until then, hopefully I’ll survive with the help of cry sessions with Abi, and maybe a stress break here and there.
P.S. If you are a doctor reading this, I need your help. I cannot hear out of my ear and there’s been pressure and a ringing noise all day AND I THINK I AM GOING INSANE PLEASE HELP ME I CANT DO THIS FOR MUCH LONGER.