do normal people get stress breaks too?!

Do you ever just want to pull a Zayn Malik and take a “stress break” from school, or life in general for like a week or two and then decide to just leave for good and never come back and be a normal 22 year old. Because my God, am I at that point in my life.

My second semester of college is almost over, 5 more weeks, and I could not be more ready for summer. So much has happened in the past 3 weeks alone that just makes me want to take a forever long break and do my own thing [with Abi]. I got to see Abi for a little bit before she headed back to Ohio and I was starting my spring break. That has been one of the only good things that has happened in the past month or two. Spring break came and went, and just like that I was back in classes, “listening” but really planning out my wedding, my kids’ future names, and what i’m going to say in my maid of honor speech at Abi’s wedding. Things really started to go downhill on March 25th, when Zayn Malik decided to leave One Direction. And of course Abi and I were devastated, ARE devastated. Who knew that someone who made us so happy all the time could change in an instant and cause us the most pain. We skyped that Wednesday for probably close to 3 hours, crying on and off, talking about what it was going to be like now, telling each other to stop crying, and trying to change the subject so neither of us would talk about it again. [fyi we still talk about it and its been almost 2 weeks, we aren’t that good at distracting each other obviously].

This wasn’t supposed to be a post about Zayn leaving, but that’s kind of what that paragraph turned into, so I am sorry. In reality, I just wanted to have a stress break like he claims he was on. Because college is stressing me out. Life is stressing me out. As second semester is coming closer to the end, I’m trying to schedule classes for next semester around a career that I’m not even sure about. I know I want to get a degree in criminal justice, but God only knows what I’m going to do with that once I graduate. I come up with a new job everyday that I think I would be interested in. And I really should just stop doing that, because it’s a big contributor to my stress, but I really can’t help it. I feel like every decision I make in college somehow affects what is going to happen after I graduate, and what job I’ll get and that’s stressful as hell and I just need a little break. I’m one of those people that doesn’t like to be unsure about things. I like to know exactly what I’m going to do. I like to plan out my next day the day before, and write down what I need to do. And I can’t do that with course selection and anything else regarding college. The uncertainty of my future right now is killing me, and stressing me out, and overwhelming me so much I can’t even do anything but cry most of the time.  But hopefully I’ll figure something out soon, and my future will start to come together as I want it. Until then, hopefully I’ll survive with the help of cry sessions with Abi, and maybe a stress break here and there.

P.S. If you are a doctor reading this, I need your help. I cannot hear out of my ear and there’s been pressure and a ringing noise all day AND I THINK I AM GOING INSANE PLEASE HELP ME I CANT DO THIS FOR MUCH LONGER.

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friends

IMG_4369So, t’s 1 AM and I’m on season 2, episode 14 of friends. And Abi’s leaving in 8 hours and 6 minutes from a cracker barrel with her friend to go back to college and I’m sad and already miss her. A lot. And I don’t want to sleep because then, well I’ll waste time I could be watching Friends, and also then she leaves sooner, which is sad so here I am; awake, writing a blog post, and watching Friends.

I wish that we didn’t have to college so far away from each other. I wish that we both went to the same school, that we could be roommates, that we could hang out every day. But we don’t, but it’s alright because we went three months without seeing each other our first semester, so I know we can make it this next semester, and our next 3 years too.

I also wish that I was in Friends, and that I was best friends with Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, Ross, and Joey. But being best friends with Abi kind of seems like the same thing. I mean we hang out in our beds, which is kind of the same as hanging out in their apartment. We like coffee, so we’d go to Central Perk. We’re not poor twenty year olds, but we are poor eighteen year olds. We don’t have love lives. Well, Abi does, she won’t admit it though. And we also don’t live together, or live in the same state during college, so actually there’s no real connection there. But anyway, Abi’s my friend. My best friend. And I already miss her so much it’s unreal. And I wish we were already graduated college and living together, and being poor together, and drinking coffee together. But we have to get through the next three and a half years first, but I know we can.

“I’ll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour, I’ll be there for you, like I’ve been there before, I’ll be there for you, cause you’re there for me too” Abi once told me that this song “holds truth in the chorus. I’ll be there for you. Easy enough! Simple but effective.” Because she’s the greatest friend in the world, and we’ll always be there for each other.

7 days

image1 (1)This is my countdown until Abi gets back home. I think it’s been going on for a good two months now, and it’s finally at 7 days. One week until I get to see my best friend again and words can’t even describe my excitement.

Being 491 miles away from your best friend for 96 days is weird, and it’s even weirder that when I do see her it’ll be 103 days since I saw her last. August 14th was the last day I saw Abi in real life. She came over in the morning, and when I answered the door she was already bawling her eyes out, and I’m pretty sure I shut the door on her, and then had to open it back up. That was a rough morning. We gave each other our gifts, and cried even more. After Abi and I hugged for the last time, I just cried. It’s not like she was dead, or I would never see her again. It was just hard knowing we weren’t going to be in the same state, that we may (or may not) make new friends that weren’t each other, that we would have to go into college without each other by our sides. I was also crying because I was seeing One Direction that night, and I knew I would only be able to tell Abi about it over facetime, calling or texting her. And you can’t really express the real emotions you felt over the phone, but I knew Abi would kind of understand because she just knows.

College has been rough. It’s been good, but it’s been rough. Not having Abi here to just give me a hug, or even cuddle with (even though I had to initiate it) kinda sucks. Because there are just those days when you need your best friend with you because you’re in a shitty mood, and you’re contemplating your whole life and future. And there’s no way you can do that without factoring in what your best friend thinks, and it’s hard when they’re a state away from you. We text, almost every day. We facetime, maybe once a week. But none of that compares to actually laying in the same bed and sitting on our phones and not talking to each other. That’s what I really miss, just being in the presence of Abi and sitting on twitter, retweeting things for her to look at without actually telling her about it. I miss laying in bed and watching Netflix documentaries with her. I just really miss Abi.

Now there’s only a week until I see her again. Seven days until I can run up to her and give her a huge hug and we can actually talk face to face and cry together. 168 hours until we can go to Sonic and get milkshakes and french fries just like we did before college started. And I know we’ll only see other for a few days, and it probably won’t be every single day, but that doesn’t matter. Because we’ll finally be in the same town again.

And 491 miles will finally turn into 2 miles.