do normal people get stress breaks too?!

Do you ever just want to pull a Zayn Malik and take a “stress break” from school, or life in general for like a week or two and then decide to just leave for good and never come back and be a normal 22 year old. Because my God, am I at that point in my life.

My second semester of college is almost over, 5 more weeks, and I could not be more ready for summer. So much has happened in the past 3 weeks alone that just makes me want to take a forever long break and do my own thing [with Abi]. I got to see Abi for a little bit before she headed back to Ohio and I was starting my spring break. That has been one of the only good things that has happened in the past month or two. Spring break came and went, and just like that I was back in classes, “listening” but really planning out my wedding, my kids’ future names, and what i’m going to say in my maid of honor speech at Abi’s wedding. Things really started to go downhill on March 25th, when Zayn Malik decided to leave One Direction. And of course Abi and I were devastated, ARE devastated. Who knew that someone who made us so happy all the time could change in an instant and cause us the most pain. We skyped that Wednesday for probably close to 3 hours, crying on and off, talking about what it was going to be like now, telling each other to stop crying, and trying to change the subject so neither of us would talk about it again. [fyi we still talk about it and its been almost 2 weeks, we aren’t that good at distracting each other obviously].

This wasn’t supposed to be a post about Zayn leaving, but that’s kind of what that paragraph turned into, so I am sorry. In reality, I just wanted to have a stress break like he claims he was on. Because college is stressing me out. Life is stressing me out. As second semester is coming closer to the end, I’m trying to schedule classes for next semester around a career that I’m not even sure about. I know I want to get a degree in criminal justice, but God only knows what I’m going to do with that once I graduate. I come up with a new job everyday that I think I would be interested in. And I really should just stop doing that, because it’s a big contributor to my stress, but I really can’t help it. I feel like every decision I make in college somehow affects what is going to happen after I graduate, and what job I’ll get and that’s stressful as hell and I just need a little break. I’m one of those people that doesn’t like to be unsure about things. I like to know exactly what I’m going to do. I like to plan out my next day the day before, and write down what I need to do. And I can’t do that with course selection and anything else regarding college. The uncertainty of my future right now is killing me, and stressing me out, and overwhelming me so much I can’t even do anything but cry most of the time.  But hopefully I’ll figure something out soon, and my future will start to come together as I want it. Until then, hopefully I’ll survive with the help of cry sessions with Abi, and maybe a stress break here and there.

P.S. If you are a doctor reading this, I need your help. I cannot hear out of my ear and there’s been pressure and a ringing noise all day AND I THINK I AM GOING INSANE PLEASE HELP ME I CANT DO THIS FOR MUCH LONGER.

Happy New Tears

We’ll still be crying this year..plenty of times I’m sure.

But this past year in 2014 was huge.  So many things changed in mine and Bailey’s life and sometimes we can’t process it all.  I don’t know if I’ll be able to write about everything…but it was crazy.  This time last year we were freaking out because we were going to graduate in a matter of months. We went to our senior prom together and partied hard all night (or nah). We went to see emotional movies together. We had facetime sleepovers and countless dates where all we ate were fries.We spent the summer together and turned 18. We saw the boys perform in August and it was once again the best night of our lives.  We grew in our friendship even more when we had to leave each other to go to college. The transition was one of the scariest but we survived a semester and I still have my best friend. I love Bailey and I’m so glad I’m going into another year with her by my side.  I couldn’t get through life without her. She’s my person and I will always be hers.

With the new year, I guess people make resolutions or something like that. Well me and Bailey have decided that we’re gonna go to prison together.  What an adventure that would be!! And in doing that we’re going to accomplish another goal we have…to get skinny.  What better way to do that than to go to prison and have some fun in there!  (The other tactic to getting skinny was for both of us to find sugar daddies..but we figured we would have more luck just going to jail.)

Of course we have other resolutions as well! We’re not stupid. Maybe Bailey will stop lying as much, and maybe I’ll start to be more positive but those are just some minor things we’re thinking about.

2015 will probably hold many surprises and we’re just two girls who will probably cry through every twist and turn there is this year.  There’s always an exciting factor about that though…who really knows what’s going to happen this year. It could be amazing and beautiful and perfect. I mean Bailey and I are finally seeing One Direction together in August so that’s a good start.  We’ll finish our first year of college…and become sophomores three months after.  There’s a bunch of unknown shit too but this is me being a little positive. Let’s do this thing 2015.

7 days

This is my countdown until Abi gets back home. I think it’s been going on for a good two months now, and it’s finally at 7 days. One week until I get to see my best friend again and words can’t even describe my excitement.

Being 491 miles away from your best friend for 96 days is weird, and it’s even weirder that when I do see her it’ll be 103 days since I saw her last. August 14th was the last day I saw Abi in real life. She came over in the morning, and when I answered the door she was already bawling her eyes out, and I’m pretty sure I shut the door on her, and then had to open it back up. That was a rough morning. We gave each other our gifts, and cried even more. After Abi and I hugged for the last time, I just cried. It’s not like she was dead, or I would never see her again. It was just hard knowing we weren’t going to be in the same state, that we may (or may not) make new friends that weren’t each other, that we would have to go into college without each other by our sides. I was also crying because I was seeing One Direction that night, and I knew I would only be able to tell Abi about it over facetime, calling or texting her. And you can’t really express the real emotions you felt over the phone, but I knew Abi would kind of understand because she just knows.

College has been rough. It’s been good, but it’s been rough. Not having Abi here to just give me a hug, or even cuddle with (even though I had to initiate it) kinda sucks. Because there are just those days when you need your best friend with you because you’re in a shitty mood, and you’re contemplating your whole life and future. And there’s no way you can do that without factoring in what your best friend thinks, and it’s hard when they’re a state away from you. We text, almost every day. We facetime, maybe once a week. But none of that compares to actually laying in the same bed and sitting on our phones and not talking to each other. That’s what I really miss, just being in the presence of Abi and sitting on twitter, retweeting things for her to look at without actually telling her about it. I miss laying in bed and watching Netflix documentaries with her. I just really miss Abi.

Now there’s only a week until I see her again. Seven days until I can run up to her and give her a huge hug and we can actually talk face to face and cry together. 168 hours until we can go to Sonic and get milkshakes and french fries just like we did before college started. And I know we’ll only see other for a few days, and it probably won’t be every single day, but that doesn’t matter. Because we’ll finally be in the same town again.

And 491 miles will finally turn into 2 miles.